Dear Mr. Richler:

Still not a fan of your work, per se. But I am a fan of the Montreal landscapes you created on the page. And the way you linked characters from book to book, but not in a sad, Castle Rock sort of way. And, I'll admit, TV movies of your books.

(I fear this fake letter to a deceased Canadian literary icon marks me as one of the stupidest book-lovers in history.)

*source of picture

judging....

Sometimes I think a perfect career for me would be to write the blurbs on the back of books. You know? The ones that actually make you buy the latest Sophie Kinsella novel? (Not guilty. For once.)

I know it’s a marketing gig, probably better suited to people who use lots of exclamation marks, who used to throw glittery star stickers onto school dance posters. But the thing is, whenever I think about storylines for potential novels, I always think of them in back-of-book blurb format.

Sorry, make that crappy back-of-book blurb format. Or is that clichéd back-of-book format? Regardless, it’s a little painful. Kind of like narrating your life with that deep movie theatre trailer voice. Probably very shallow.

The thing is, the back-of-book blurb is typically kind of crappy. Or maybe just exhausting. So breathless, so excited. Of course, I fall for it every time, only to find out the book was nothing like I expected.

For example:

“Why on earth would Katherine Earle come back to Silver Creek -- the small Montana town she couldn’t wait to escape? No one has an answer to that million-dollar question, not even Kat herself. At eighteen, she ran away to the big city and got married, but after spending three years alone and on the road, she’s finally come home. Well, not home, exactly, because she’s renting a motel room and trying to avoid all chance encounters with people who might recognize her. But then she learns that her great-aunt Eva -- the domineering woman who raised her -- is dying. Pulled back into ancient family intrigues, Kat discovers that the past is something you can’t escape. And when an old love unexpectedly appears, she has to choose between the woman she has become and the girl she left behind….”

[Not to ruin it for you, but this book turns out exactly as you would expect it to. This summary’s sort of your typical breathless marketing ploy. Also, I feel the word “ancient” shouldn’t just be thrown around…. Anyway, this is the kind of blurb that reminds me of those romantic comedies you rent only to find out all the funny scenes you saw in the trailer were the only funny scenes the trailer-makers could cobble together from the whole film.]

Or:

“For more than two hundred years, the Owen women had been blamed for everything that went wrong in their Massachusetts town. And Gillian and Sally endured that fate as well: As children, the sisters were forever outsiders, taunted, talked about, pointed at. Their elderly aunts almost seemed to encourage the whispers of witchery, with their musty house and their exotic concoctions and their crowd of black cats. But all Gillian and Sally wanted was to escape. One would do so by marrying, the other by running away. But the bonds they shared, even into adulthood, brought them back -- almost as if by magic….”

[Okay, I’m noticing an ellipses trend here not wholly different from my own overuse of such punctuation. Is the ellipsis the adult equivalent of the exclamation mark? By the way, if I haven’t mentioned it before, this book is really good and completely unlike the movie. ]

And finally:

“In 1972, windswept DeClare, Oklahoma, was consumed by a terrifying crime: the murder of a young mother, Gaylene Harjo, and the disappearance of her baby, Nicky Jack. When the child’s pyjama bottoms were discovered on the banks of Willow Creek, everyone feared that he, too, had been killed, although his body was never found. Now, nearly thirty years later, Nicky Jack mysteriously returns to DeClare, shocking the town with his sudden reappearance and stirring up long-buried memories. But what he discovers about the night he vanished is far more than he, or anyone, bargains for. Piece by piece, what emerges is a story of dashed hopes, desperate love, and an act with repercussions that still cry out for justice…. And redemption.”

[Okay, so I have a thing for the going-home storyline. The start of this blurb is somewhat reminiscent of a feature-style newspaper article, no? But check out the words designed to make you buy the book -- Terrifying! Mysteriously! Shocking! Redemption! I’m not ripping on Billie Letts, honestly. This was actually a really good read, plus she’s the pen behind Where the Heart Is and The Honk and Holler Opening Soon, total classics, as far as I'm concerned.]

random question

Is the blogosphere a competitive space?

I know that's kind of a ridiculous question. I mean, it wouldn't really make sense to think bloggers could scoop each other, the way newspapers do, because not everyone reads the same blogs. But then, not everyone reads both the Post and the Globe, and yet I'm sure they value their A1 victories....

Regardless, I totally beat this blog on the same topic. Yay me and my small (irrelevant? petty?) victories.


Side notes:

1. The latest book club pick is Jose Saramago's Blindness. On one hand, the theme of human survival and dystopia appeals to me. Also, the note on the inside of the hardcover book I scored at Wee Book Inn -- it was a birthday present in 1999 to "Comrade Barbara." This makes me laugh, but also makes me a bit sad (why did Barbara sell the book? was she a student, and couldn't afford to pack her hardcover books? did she hate this book? did she hate the gift-giver?) On the other hand, I am concerned about a lack of dialogue in the book, although a friend reassures me there is dialogue, it just isn't in the same format I'm used to. As a girl who's mother first introduced her to Harlequin romance novels when she was 11, I sort of have a hard time focusing without interesting bits of dialogue every few graphs. I'll keep you posted.
2. Did I already tell you I bought Naomi Klein's Shock Doctrine? The thing about a new Klein book is it kind of makes me really excited and faux hippie proud even to own it. It brings me back to my pseudo radical days, when I knew that if you wore a water-drenched scarf around your nose and mouth you stood a better chance against pepper spray. Of course, the reality is, I am no longer the woman who first read No Logo. Rather, I am now a woman who stands in line at Starbucks everyday. Today when my co-worker snarkily commented on the scent of "commercialism and conformity," I sighed. "Yum."
3. A necessary addition to the links list.

you know you're a book nerd when....

I always know I'm a book nerd.
Having a bad day? I go to a book store and walk around, taking deep breaths.
Run out of cash? Back to the book store, not to buy, but just to look.
Man got you down? Scroll through the feminist lit on offer at an online bookstore. Or return to old favourites.
Anyway, in my real life I'm surrounded by lots of fellow book nerds -- thank goodness.
A perfect illustration of this came today, when we learned of this story.
The thought of a first-edition Austen out there somewhere -- really just an LRT ride away -- made my heart speed a little bit. I was immediately reminded of the premise of Possession, wherein the academic actually steals the 200-year-old letters he found in a book.
Then pals at work started to talk about their encounters with classic first-prints, and the temptation to pocket a 300-year-old work found on the shelves of a university library.
Clearly I'm not alone in my nerdiness -- and, while I'm pretty certain I wouldn't have the guts to steal the tome either, oh temptation.

ugly

A piece of furniture that will never appear in my home, no matter how badly I need more shelving. Or to roll around.

Anyone else find it hard to focus on Wednesdays? It's just two days until Friday!

I offer these things to focus on:

1. Traditional families are going the way of the Dodo? Just as well. "Traditional families" were probably overrated, with lots of bathroom sharing.
2. A new Keira Knightley movie opens at the end of the week! Based on a book!
3. It's my brother's birthday!