away, neophytes

It's almost time for the annual self-satisfied column.

Each January, a columnist takes the time to comment upon the arrival of the New Years resolution set at the gym. I see how irritating it must be for the dedicated fit to watch someone struggle over re-adjusting the seat on a stationery bike, or how much it must rankle to have one's favourite treadmill hi-jacked by someone who runs for 30 seconds and then walks for 20 minutes. Nonetheless, the columns really have such a smirking, asshole quality.

Anyway, today it's my turn to be a snotty jerk. It is December, and the weekend before Christmas, time for people who never go to bookstores to congregate at Chapters.

As I wandered along the aisles of a local store, browsing books and trying to dodge employees who kept asking me if I needed help, I couldn't help but overhear a couple conversations. Thought you might enjoy....

Wife: We're looking for a German-English dictionary.
Husband: No, not a dictionary. A book that translates German to English, and back.
Wife: A dictionary.
Husband: No, a dictionary doesn't translate. It's for spelling.
Staff member: Right. Uh, well, the translation books are over here. By the dictionaries.

Teenage Girl 1: 1984?
Teenage Girl 2: It's, like, a smarter version of Brave New World.

Man, holding A Complicated Kindness in one hand and A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian in the other: Which would she like better?
Staff member: It really depends on the theme you're going for. A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian is just flat-out funny, while --
Man, interrupting and speaking very slowly: But which one is better?

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